Reclaiming my life
Let’s continue: it’s about to get great.
I was a newly sober gal who had removed the shackles of identifying as bipolar ii. The medication was out, cannabis was done - the co-ersive situation remained (my greatest lesson on this earth thus far, bless me). I was now raw dogging the aftershocks of numbing everything for years. This was not a chill time but it was exhilarating. I was alive ! Severe PMS, self judgement, guilt and shame were my daily companions. My head was fried, which makes sense as I had been frying it for a WHILE. Ruminating thoughts that cannabis had blurred out had their claws on my attention allllll day. Exhausting scenes.
I had this wild experience of scrolling IG one day and reading about PMDD. This innocuous scroll marked a huge, mega shift in my life. I went through a huge process of educating myself, and my GP, on PMDD and committing to sorting it out.
Doctors said my three options were anti-depressants, birth control and a hysterectomy - except I couldn’t do that until I was older. I was PRESSED. Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (aka monthly cPTSD coming up and shouting to be processed) is savage. ‘I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy’ level of dire. It’s a rocky arena to learn about self advocacy, holistic health and emotional and menstrual literacy as you’ve only got 2 weeks of the month within a questionably sound mind. The second half (luteal phase) is mired with very emotional, hyper sensitivity that feels like every single nerve within your body has been exposed to every source of acute discomfort ever.
Pausing to note how grateful I am to have found the solutions, and to be able to offer that to my clients now. We deserve support, understanding, validation and a pathway to understand and resolve PMDD. This is the same with all health reactions we are experiencing. It’s a huge initiation in itself to offer this to people as the medical system in the West is so dead set on people staying sick, unless they have a patented solution to cash in on.
PMDD led me to discovering womb connection, shamanism, conscious communities and the deep influence of our subconscious mind. PMDD took a lot from me, and yet once I stared the experience within it’s eyes - the answers became clear.
The suppression, fear and panic that make up the most common responses to our health taking a rogue turn is one to be explored. What happened for me when I faced these experiences head on was complete transformation. Trust me when I say how easy it would be for me to still be stoned, distraught and believing that I am the victim of a random onslaught of disgusting health quality.
Hypnotherapy. I thought it was a weird thing someone made up to be weird. My compass of the world was centred around my symptoms and ‘diagnoses’ being the problem - and I needed external drugs, supplements and substances to feel better. I lamented the fact that mainstream Western medicine hadn’t researched into PMDD. “I don’t have 30 years for them to trial drugs, I am in pain every month NOW !!” This spiral went on for a couple of months, until the hypnotherapy aspect came to light.
Hypnotherapy went from being some obscure weirdo thing - to the catalyst of real, true and sustainable change in my life. My experiences of hypnotherapy came through the form of Rapid Transformational Therapy - an approach that is human centred, very validating and utilises multiple therapeutic tools to create real resolve. The PMDD cleared in one session. I had been suffering from the age of 13, and the understanding of ‘my mind created PMDD in order to get my emotional needs met, as they weren’t as a child’ became clear in 2.5 hours.
Wild. Scenes.
I left the session, went home and made a salad. Unheard of. 3 days later I broke out of the relationship. I didn't even attend the follow up session with the hypnotherapist because I didn’t have any questions.
Hypnotherapy took me from clawing my way, stomach down across glass - into understanding what radical change could mean - and feel like. It was a landslide of opportunity becoming available to me - all because I met with my mind and gained understanding. This understanding gave me power, agency and influence over my actions. I had a whole new framework of approaching my health. “What is this trying to do for me? Where did my mind pick up this reaction? What belief is driving me to take this action/feel this feeling/think this thought?”
The processing of this experience rippled out for such a long time. Re-building after the relationship is honestly still unfolding - that’s the gift of going deep. We gain access to the really rich, powerful lessons that help to navigate being human from a place of experience, wisdom and responsibility.
While there are many times where I lament the past - what could have been if these various experiences hadn’t taken up my focus, energy and actions. However, I can recognise that my life is one of rapid fire learning. I can move through these experiences as soon as I am ready to accept my role, and learn - before changing my actions. I still get stuck in lessons, I’ve been endeavouring to resolve my gut health for 3 years now (binge eating has a funny way of getting in the way).
By operating from a place of honesty, audacity and curiosity - the path is very authentic, raw and also encouraging. I now respect myself, my actions and consistency has shown me that change is possible. Change can be exciting, overwhelming and yet create outcomes that are so acutely fascinating. Choosing to continue to show up, to walk the path that’s addled with challenges creates brilliant experiences. While it’s been harrowing and savage - the stories are excellent.
Here’s to me, here’s to you. What are you looking to move through, to unlock the next exceptional chapter of your story?
